Friendship

I have been thinking more and more about friendships and the importance of them. This process has also forced me to re-evaluate how I view people in general. A couple years ago I began looking a little closer at the disciples - what really stuck out at me was how they were related to each other. Jesus seemed to call most of them in pairs - brothers (such as Andrew and Peter) or good friends (such as Philip and Nathanael). And even then, some of them were from the same town and probably knew each other or were at least familiar.

It seemed Jesus knew that each disciple needed someone else in the group that they really trusted. So it is with us. Relationships, and more pointedly friendships, are what keep me in the game. I used to foolishly think that I had some radical devotion to Christ that I was able to somehow call upon to keep me going. That I was some sort of spiritual lone ranger. Looking back now, I see how much people played a part for me - and I am humbled.

Sometimes in the church, we can be too "ministry" minded. What I mean is, we begin to view people as projects rather than valuable individuals. You don't respect "projects". You don't learn from "projects". There is no give and take with "projects". When I finally realized about age 30 that I might not have all the answers after all, the people around me started taking on new significance. Before then, I basically put people into 3 tiers (usually without much thought or interaction with them):

1. The Significants - These are the celebrities in our midst. The one everyone is clamoring to get to. The ones, when they speak, we give our full attention to and dare not interrupt.
2. The Peers - People we view to be like us and on the same level as us on the spiritual maturity scale.
3. The Projects - The lowly people who need my help - bless their hearts - but couldn't possibly help me.

Dudley Hall makes a great statement in his book "Grace Works" - he says "We feel significant when we spend time with significant people". That cut me. Not only did I realize that I unfairly put The Significants on a pedestal but that I, in some ways, defined my own worth by their opinion of me. I, in turn, passed that attitude down to The Projects and smugly felt like they looked up to me and needed my approval.

What finally really freed me of this unholy mindset was I Corinthians 4:3-5. Here it is in the NIV (emphasis mine):

"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."

I finally realized that I, really and truly, had faults. And that I was always going to have faults this side of heaven. For the first time, I really became comfortable with that realization. This, of course, implies that everyone has faults, including The Significants and The Projects. I began to see that all people had value and that value could add some quality to my life - if I would just take the time to seek it out.

I'm trying to walk this out now. It is one thing to realize a thing, it is another to apply it to your life consistently. I still fail at this, but at least now I know what to shoot for. To not reject the rejected and to accept the Significants as broken vessels, just as I am, and not demand perfection from them.